The Loss

The loss of a loved one does not get better with time, the wound it leave behind does not heal, we just learn to live with the pain. We try hard to forget the wound but every time the wound gets a little hit by the memory we feel a sharp pain, which we try to ignore by going on with life.

The loss of my uncle recently was one such wound that, I know would haunt me for life. Though I was not close to him, loosing him all of a sudden came as a shock. He the first one to go too soon in our close family circle. He was not old enough to die, his death came as a shock to the whole family.

The moment I head his death news my brain froze, I got on my bike to see my aunt is the very next thing I did. I was riding the bike, my brain is not working. Finally when I reached his house I realised I have taken the longest route possible to get there and not sure why I did it ! I am well aware of the shortest route but my brain did not function enough to get the shortest route. I got there just in time when his body arrived from he hospital and he was laid down in the bench. All I could feel was him sleeping and nothing more. I well know he is gone but my mind is not in the state to accept it.

I could see my aunt crying, the aunt who used to be fun and very caring. One of my favourite aunt and the one we used to tease a lot. Seeing her cry caused a deep pain in the heart. Its something that cannot be explained. I was feeling sorry for her more than my uncle gone at that moment.

I could see my cousin who was struggling with all his strength to stay strong for his mom who was devastated. More than the sorrow of loosing his dad, he had a anger on his dad for putting off from seeing a doctor earlier. He was more angry than being sad. He was collecting all his strength and controlling his tears, waiting for his brother to come. I was there witnessing him in his great loss in life. I had no words to console him or even to talk to him. All I was able to do was to stand there beside him and just watch.

As all the relations and friends arrive they began talking of the loss and about the dead. That in no way ease the pain but help to vent out the emotions helping us to retain the good memories with him. All I could was to feel sorry for my aunt, who had her whole life around her family. Now her biggest pillar of strength gone and she was left alone to face the world. I understand she has her sons to her support yet losing her husband was no match.

As my uncle was cremated the next day, all I could think was how short the human life is. A man with whom I was having a talk a week earlier is now gone and we were there doing his final rites. As he was burning to ashes all I had in mind was life is short and it is too short to live with regrets.

A thought of getting my parents a medical check up asap passed to my mind while my brother uttered those words loud to me.

I was sorry for my aunt, for her loss. I met her a month later, she is learning to live with her loss. In India they have a bad custom of dress code for a widow as no bindi , no flowers , no colours clothings. My aunt when i met her was dress as herself, in a beautiful pink saree, with her bindi and flowers decorating her hair. I was so happy to see her that way. I have seen her like that always and she has chosen to be the same. By choosing so she is breaking odd customs and now I love her even more for she choosing her to be herself.



Being Single in your thirties !

There is always a social pressure to settle down, the society wants every one of us to get married and have kids, but each one have a different view of life. Not everyone wants to settle down and have kids. Some wait for their dream partner in life, some just want to live life on their own terms. Some just want a companionship in life with no rules attached to it. Its always a personal choice of what we want to do with our life.


But this society expects us to live life as how many has done for years, when we want something different from the usual, people around us panic, they just try to step in assuming we need help living our own life. They do it because they love us and they think living life the usual way is the best way to live and they want the best for us.

One such stigma in life is being single! Specially being single gets tough when you get into your thirties. Your friend circle starts to get married and have kids, the ones those got married in their twenties are already trying to get their kids to school. People around you start questioning when are you getting married saying you are getting no younger. Parents, specially Indian parents see your marriage as their duty to be fulfilled. They want to fulfil their duties in life. The Relatives want to enjoy your marriage feast. Friends wants to enjoy an other bachelor party.

You start getting more wedding invitations, relatives see weddings as a opportunity for match making. You not attending the wedding of your third cousin’s wife’s fourth cousin’s wedding becomes a point of question. There is no longer a question of what you expect in your life partner, in your thirties people expect you to have no expectations but just to get married to who says yes to you. Almost the second question the relatives ask on seeing you is about getting married.


Every phone call from your parents involves a wedding proposal or your parents cousins questioning them about why you are still single. You are seen to be disgracing your parents reputation in the society. Your parents are getting old and that been told as a perfect reason to get married. Parents come up with all sort of reason for you to get married, even the parents friends son getting married is a good reason for you to tie the knot. They want to have grandkids, they want the family line growing, they want you to have someone to come home to every night, they want you to have a family, they want you to have a companion in life. They mean good to you, but sometimes they just want you to follow the social norms. They sometimes fail to notice what really makes you happy, they just get lost in what the society has thought them. They don’t want their kid to be an odd man out in the society.

Friends and collegues start questioning about why you are still single and try to set you up with every possible match they could think of. There is a constant questioning on you being single, and they are in a lookout for your marriage news. In office, every day you leave work early or a day off is questioned with marriage proposals or dates. Your besties are all married off with kids expect you to join the club so they can discuss their on going issues. You stand out in the discussions because most of the discussions in the group is about kids or schools.


You start to feel left out around your friends at time. when they discuss life, there are times when you feel you are far behind them. When they say how tired they are because of kids you will love your life. When they worry about kids and future you will feel your freedom. When they pour out their struggles with their partners you will thank your decision to be single. When they describe their little ones you will miss your nephew or niece. When you see them struggling to decide between wanting to party and go home to kids you will thank God for you being on your own. When they discuss about the kids expense you will be happy that you can afford your dreams.

Being Single in thirties has both its own ups and downs, but being single is a personal choice and no one ever have to say you how you should lead your own life. Just live life in your own terms with no regrets at the end ūüôā

Little somethings from that someone special

Sometimes the ordinary day turns out to be one of a most treasured memory. We don’t plan anything but things just happen to make the day a treasured memory. ¬†Someday you do nothing at all just spend all day at home, yet you feel so special about the day. It depends on with whom you spend the day at home with. Memories are not only made when you choose to have an adventure, it can also be¬†made when you choose to be lazy with the special person by your side.


Some moments make you feel special, it can just be a thought that someone thinks of you. How special would you feel when your special person chose to text you at the stroke of midnight on your birthday. It would really be special if the text is from a person who rarely remembers the date! That text being the first text for the birthday really makes you feel so excited and special.

We know nowadays half the communication is done through SMS and WhatsApp. A great comfort with this mode of communication is that the person at the other end may choose to reply back or take his time to respond. Sometimes you know the person at the other end is stuck with a hell a lot of work, but you are just worried about them and decide to text. when that someone special decides to text you in the middle of his work crisis, that text not only brings you happiness but a special feeling of cared for. Sometimes a simple text in the middle of the day just to say hi from a special person makes the day feel brighter.


Birthdays are special, it becomes more special if your special person decides to spend the day with you. No big plans just the two of you hanging out together at your place. It becomes a treasured memory when you get your birthday cake made by that special person. Time spent with a person who you consider so special is always never enough.

It is not all the talking that counts, sometimes it is very less talking, you get comfortable with the silence between the two. Just having them around at the distance your eyes can cover is sometimes all you want. A movie with the special person where you don’t really talk is sometimes satisfactory. ¬†Sometimes you want to pour out all, moments like holding a large coffee¬†along with that someone special helps¬†in that situation.

It is not the time that counts, it is the person whom you choose to spend the time with is what that really counts.

Joy of being an Uncle

There is a pure joy in being an uncle. A beautiful relationship with a kid whom you love with all your heart. A bond that you form with the kid from the moment you got to hold that tiny human in your hands.

Being an uncle is a gift getting to know a kid right from its birth and being a part of the kid’s life as the kid grows. Uncle gets to spoil the kid with gifts and shower the kid with love. Basically being a person who allows the kids to do some crazy stuff which the parent does not approve.95348e037bdd56f8bfe07a3f4f930b15The uncle usually gets to enjoy the happy kid most of the time, all the nagging cry and tantrums are for the parents. Uncle gets to enjoy the cute smiles and love hugs.

Being an uncle is getting a right to spoil the kids, an uncle can treat the kid with anything to eat as what their little heart desires. An Uncle can hand over a big bar of chocolate to the little kid and enjoy the show of how the little one gets chocolate all over its face and hands.

Being an uncle is being the baby sitter sometimes. The time the kid gets to enjoy a no restriction time of their parents. An uncle is a good story teller, as a kid, I enjoyed all the story time with my uncle. Most of my Indian mythology stories are those which I heard from my uncle.

Uncles can get them any gift they want, can buy them the loudest toy not worrying about to hear the sound of the toy all day at home. Can get the kid a drum set not worrying about the annoying music they are going to make in the initial days to follow. Just get the toy, enjoy the happy face of the kid and you can go back to the silence of your home.

Being an uncle means¬†getting a chance to relive a childhood, getting down to play with the kid without being judged by others. we get to play all our childhood games again at least in the name of teaching the game to the kid. Get to attend all the school functions with no¬†worry of getting the right angle in the camera, can just be there to enjoy the kid’s performance.

Being an uncle means being there always to listen to their problems and being a support to the kid as it grows. Initially, it is fun to see how a little heart trusts you and come to you with their little problems.

The best part of being an uncle is getting to enjoy love in its purest form. The love hugs for those little hands that could hardly hug you, the sweet kisses and the best smiles.

Being fully present

Have you ever felt you are distant from the person very next to you? Have you ever felt you know more information of a person miles away than the one who is physically next to you? All this modern day communication have lead us to this thoughts. we stay connected to persons far away, in the same time we are losing touch with the persons around us.

When we were kids we always found each other, we rode bikes to meet friends and did not make an appointment to see them. When we made plans to meet we mostly stuck to it because letting the others know you are ditching then was hard. Even when we met at a crowded fair we somehow found each other without the mobile phones. Are we losing some human power with all the modern communication in place?

Nowadays¬†no one is alone at the dinner table. There is no couples dinner anymore. We always reserve a place for our mobile phones on the table. It’s just a couple having dinner with each other and their mobile phones. How interesting the conversation might be when the phone beeps, we become curious to know why it beeped and the conversation losses interest at that point. It’s been more of looking into the phones rather than looking at the person before us.

Are we forgetting to live the moment with the mobile phones? Nowadays when we see a beautiful sunrise, the first thing we do is to reach for our mobile phones to capture the beauty. We are more interested in seeing the sunrise through a lens rather than enjoying it through our eyes. At kids dance recital we could see most parents are busy capturing the event in camera and they forget to enjoy their kids’ performance. When I was a kid we had a photographer whose main job is to capture the event in his camera and the parents sat back and enjoyed the kids dancing. With all the modern cameras now everyone is a photographer.

I have never seen any of my kinder garden stages performances videos. Have seen a few photos of it. My memory of it was how my mom used to describe her memory of my performance. She remembers clearly each move of the dance and how cute I looked with the makeup. , it is all because she was there enjoying her kid’s performance and capturing the scene in her memory rather than in her camera.

Let us put our mobiles phones down and be present with our friends and partners. Let us enjoy each others company without being disturbed by the beeping of the mobile phone. Let us take the time to look into the person’s eyes and feel the conversation we are having with each other.

Friendzone- The yellow light.

Some relationships in life will not always go the way we wanted, whether it is a simple relation with a neighbour next door or with a friend or with the someone special in life. There is a time in each relationship where one feels neglected or mistreated. The better way to solve all the problem is with an open mind conversation. The conversation is better when both people sit down with the mind of ending the differences rather than just to have a talk. Limited the number of people the better the conversation goes.

If we see a love relationship as the traffic signal, the green for a love relationship and red for no relationship. There is this yellow where you can decide on whether to drive fast to cross the traffic lights or just stop at the traffic. The only difference here is the decision to make because in every relationship there is only one traffic signal and the lights get off once the decision is made. The best part is once you decide the red, you have to take a different route altogether if you decide to cross the yellow light, the traffic light may turn red or if you are lucky to green. But you never know which colour the light is going to change.


Sometimes you see a person and feel the positive vibes of a good connection with them. Luckily you get to know them better and with time they become a special person in life or just you feel they are special to you. Become good friends, you hang out with them often and you really enjoy having them around. You know you are falling for them and even try to express it in a more subtle way when you are around them. They are most aware of what is going on ( least you think so! ) and does not react the way you want them to. The situation here could be anything from wrong communication to being friend zoned.

You cannot just get out of such relationships so easy. The only way to go ahead here is to communicate or verbalise your feeling for them. Even then this can take make or break the relationship altogether. If they also have the same feeling for you and just not sure of what other thinks then communicating will take the relationship to a new path. In the dark side when you express your feeling and they¬†don’t want the same things as you do then it could end up in the disaster of losing that person for life.

You might have a million thoughts going through in your head in deciding how to get out of this friend zone in the relationship. Relationships are always two-way. The love and affection should flow both ways for a happy relationship. It cannot be just you having all the feeling and the person on the other side is cool being just friends. It totally depends on how deep is your feeling for the other. There is a humungous change of misreading the other when you develop feelings. You might take everything that comes your way as a good sign to support your feeling but that could have just been a kind gesture. So better get clarified.

At times the yellow light seems perfectly fine. You are allowed all the friends and more privileges here, you can be that over-caring friend. You can still hang out with each other or just two of you and enjoy each others company. You can enjoy having that special person around you. You get to voice out your mind with a friends tone! Sometimes when we are not very sure about the others feelings and does not want to break or lose it all, being friend zoned is not a bad thing. The best thing about this yellow light is that you can always test the waters before getting a plunge.

Relationships are hard but worth every effort you put into it. It is a great feeling that someone cares for you not because they made you, they care just because they like you the way you are! The only thing with the relationship is the never ending effort it requires but those are the not too hard if you get a person who is worth loving every day and you are lucky if that special person makes you feel loved the same way you love them.


A beautiful friendship I lost!

Friendship is a wonderful feeling, we don’t plan on being friends it just happens. It is said the friendship we make in college lasts for the lifetime. The college time is a time where we are carefree and have nothing to worry about. All worries about the future start at the last year though. The friendships made in college either stays strong for life or leave a mark in the heart.


It was one such friendship that just happened immediately. We attached so instantly that we were inseparable¬†after the first meeting. I just happened to walk over to my friend’s room and ran into Prabu. He was my friend’s new roommate. We started talking and very soon learned he was on the same course as me. There was an immediate connection.

The next morning when I was about to leave for class, I just walked over to his room to see whether I could get a company to walk the way to the class. He was in his room getting clothed and I waited till he was ready and we walked to the class. That’s how it all started, after that day, I never walked into the class without him on my side. We always sat beside each other in the class. He was very good in multitasking. He could listen to the lectures, take notes and carry out a conversation with me all at the same time. while I would very busy in the conversation with him during the lectures.

After the first week, he switched room to become my roommate in the hostel. We became so close to each other. We had breakfast, lunch, and dinner together every day. He was a quick learner and a very good sportsman. He was damn good at all the sports he played. He had a good heart too, he would be the first one to run to help a person in need. He was one of the most liked boys of hostel and college. He was so loving and caring. He got me at my best and the worst. He was able to understand my mind even before I uttered a word. He was the one I trusted with all my secrets. We used to talk a lot and he almost knows every story of my life at that point and I knew his.

We shared so many memories together. He always motivated me and believed in me more than I ever did. It’s because of his support and motivation I was able to take up some big responsibilities at the department level in college. He had big dreams for me, he always wanted me to crack some good software company interview and be placed in a good job. Evidently which I did accomplish and he was not around to see the moment.

It was our final semester at the degree program and we¬†were supposed to do some industrial training as part of the curriculum. When the whole of our class chose to do the training in Chennai, I got an internship at my brother’s company in Bangalore. He and other friend got an internship in Bangalore. It was good to have him in the same city I was in. Though days changed and we spent most of the time apart, we met every evening. I used to take a bus which was a little longer route and met him for dinner every night. We used to share about our day and talk about everything we could think of. Those were happy days.

One fine day, he called me to tell that he was feeling so tired and weak, that he was taking a few days off and going to his parents. Those were the early days of mobile phones in India, where the cell reception was not available in every city. After that call, he left to his parents. We were not in constant touch as the mode of communication was a problem due to bad cell reception at his parents. We got to talk once in two weeks or so. By this time our internship was over and we were in our job hunting. He went to his parents and met with the doctor as he was feeling so tired day by day.

I was not aware of his health condition and it seems he was getting worse every day. We only used to talk on the phone and he always said he was just fine and enjoying his rest. I did not expect him to have a life-threatening illness at that point. Months passed and I was only aware of what he said about himself and his health. He never said anything so serious. Finally, one day learned he was admitted to a hospital in Chennai from his little brother.

I went to the hospital to see him with our friends and he was not the person I have seen in college. He had lost a lot of weight and had lost a lot of hair. From the hospital nurses, we learned that he had cancer and he was in his final stages. It was heartbreaking news when I learned it. My friends and I were heartbroken, some of the friends even started to wet their eyes. At that moment we decided to spend as much a the time we could with him. My friends and I went to visit his at the hospital daily, used to spend a couple of hours with him. Even when the drips and blood been injected into his body he was pretty active and listened to what I talked to him. Those twenty days were so hard to see him like that, a guy whom I have seen winning matches in the field was losing his life to cancer.

One afternoon I received a call from his little brother saying he passed away. I was stunned and shocked. Though my brain knows this day would come my heart was not able to accept it. Though I felt a relief, I thought it was good for him at least now he was free from all the pain his body was going through. At his funeral, most of our friends broke down to tears. I was mostly trying to control my tears. I thought I am not going to slip away all his memories through my tears. It’s all his memories I had left of him. To say I was angry with him for doing this to me. The thoughts I had that time was so weird when I think of it now.


I did cry my eyes out on the day I received my joining order of my job at the software concern he dreamed for me. His loss hit me so bad, that I started losing hope in friendships. I avoided making new friends for about 2 years. I tried to hold close to the friends I had left. But time heals things. Time did not make me forget him, it just taught me to live without his friendship. He just became a part of my every password. Each time I type in a password I remember him and till day miss him badly. It made me understand there was no use to stay mad at him. It made me appreciate the time I had with him and treasure all the memories I have of him.

When a person passes away we are only left with the memories of them. Those memories become our treasure. I am glad I have a ton of memories with him and will always cherish those for life.