Friendzone- The yellow light.

Some relationships in life will not always go the way we wanted, whether it is a simple relation with a neighbour next door or with a friend or with the someone special in life. There is a time in each relationship where one feels neglected or mistreated. The better way to solve all the problem is with an open mind conversation. The conversation is better when both people sit down with the mind of ending the differences rather than just to have a talk. Limited the number of people the better the conversation goes.

If we see a love relationship as the traffic signal, the green for a love relationship and red for no relationship. There is this yellow where you can decide on whether to drive fast to cross the traffic lights or just stop at the traffic. The only difference here is the decision to make because in every relationship there is only one traffic signal and the lights get off once the decision is made. The best part is once you decide the red, you have to take a different route altogether if you decide to cross the yellow light, the traffic light may turn red or if you are lucky to green. But you never know which colour the light is going to change.

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Sometimes you see a person and feel the positive vibes of a good connection with them. Luckily you get to know them better and with time they become a special person in life or just you feel they are special to you. Become good friends, you hang out with them often and you really enjoy having them around. You know you are falling for them and even try to express it in a more subtle way when you are around them. They are most aware of what is going on ( least you think so! ) and does not react the way you want them to. The situation here could be anything from wrong communication to being friend zoned.

You cannot just get out of such relationships so easy. The only way to go ahead here is to communicate or verbalise your feeling for them. Even then this can take make or break the relationship altogether. If they also have the same feeling for you and just not sure of what other thinks then communicating will take the relationship to a new path. In the dark side when you express your feeling and they don’t want the same things as you do then it could end up in the disaster of losing that person for life.

You might have a million thoughts going through in your head in deciding how to get out of this friend zone in the relationship. Relationships are always two-way. The love and affection should flow both ways for a happy relationship. It cannot be just you having all the feeling and the person on the other side is cool being just friends. It totally depends on how deep is your feeling for the other. There is a humungous change of misreading the other when you develop feelings. You might take everything that comes your way as a good sign to support your feeling but that could have just been a kind gesture. So better get clarified.

At times the yellow light seems perfectly fine. You are allowed all the friends and more privileges here, you can be that over-caring friend. You can still hang out with each other or just two of you and enjoy each others company. You can enjoy having that special person around you. You get to voice out your mind with a friends tone! Sometimes when we are not very sure about the others feelings and does not want to break or lose it all, being friend zoned is not a bad thing. The best thing about this yellow light is that you can always test the waters before getting a plunge.

Relationships are hard but worth every effort you put into it. It is a great feeling that someone cares for you not because they made you, they care just because they like you the way you are! The only thing with the relationship is the never ending effort it requires but those are the not too hard if you get a person who is worth loving every day and you are lucky if that special person makes you feel loved the same way you love them.

 

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Is living by social norm a necessity?

A man is said to be a social animal. Even from his very existence on this planet, he has lived in groups. As he became civilised the groups grew up into his society. He made the rules and lived by it. But sometimes living my the rules of the society is not for everyone. There have always been people who broke the rules and some were fortunate enough to live on their own norms. The people who do not adhere to the norms of the society have always been looked down by the society. There were ill-treated and most importantly hurt by the society for being different.

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Standing out of the crowd is not always easy. The society always expects you to be normal. The norms that have been followed for ages cannot change. The people who don’t want to live by those norms of the society has to undergo tremendous pressure to be themselves. Not everyone likes everything. Everyone is different and everyone thinks differently, but the society does not care about every individual. It just goes by its norms. It puts up so much pressure on the evey individual to follow its norms.

When we look closer the society, it is non-other than our family, friends, coworkers and a bunch of people we know. So the decisions we make in not following the norms of the society and decide to be different affects each one of them in one way or another. If everything is normal no one is going to care about it, but when things are different people get talking about, they are just curious to know why and what’s. Not every why and what question comes to the person who is different, most of the questions are posted to the people around him. That’s when they are not comfortable in letting someone they know to be different. There is nothing to blame them.

But being different is not that easy, and not everyone chooses to be different. Many just give up and adapt to follow what the society tells them to do and just become a society norm. There are few who does not give up being themselves. It’s not that they want to be different, they just want to be true to themselves. They even try to follow the norms and try act normal. At one point when they cannot do it anymore they give up. One cannot just live to satisfy the people around, one needs to live for his own happiness. One has to follow his own heart for his happiness to follow him.

The simple norms of the society like getting a college degree, getting a job, getting married, having kids is sometimes not for everyone. If someone decides to get off the line from the normal and have his own way of life we should be supportive and encourage him to follow his happiness. The society should give up convincing people that being normal is good. The society should grow up more to accept people for who they are and respect their thoughts and allow them to live their own lives without judging them in any way.

Living life to the fullest can be fulfilled only by living with happiness. 🙂

 

 

It is all about making time

Time is one of the most precious aspects of life. We all have limited time on earth and its the one thing we know for sure, we should take most care in how we spent our time. Time is one perishable good that we often let go wasted without realising it.

We waste out time things we don’t like or spend time on doing things we don’t enjoy.  It is mostly like spending more time at work, working on unrealistic deadlines,  or being in a relationship that does not make us happy. We are not spending time usefully when we are not happy with what we do.

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We always come up with an excuse we don’t have time, but actually, we make up that excuse for things we don’t give a priority for.  Most of the time if we are working more than the stipulated office hours, it basically means we lack smart work. Or we are accepting more task than what we could be done within the working hours. We should learn to say no often when we know saying yes costs us more time.

When someone says they have no time to workout it is just because they don’t make time for it. No one it too busy, it is all just bad time management. We should learn to prioritize our things so we could make time for all that really matters.

Everyone is given the equal time of twenty-four hours a day when some find time to do all their heart wishes, there are others who just don’t find enough time to eat amidst their busy work schedule. We should understand that the schedule is made to help us manage our time and not to tie up with work all the time.

It is always said life is all about priorities, we always make time for things that matters to us. The Time management is one of the most important qualities that everyone needs to have. Once we know how to manage our time and make time for things that really matters to us, we would be more happy and peaceful.

We all know time does not stop or wait for anything in this world. Let’s try to make our little time in this world count just by spending time on doing things that bring a big smile on our faces and freeze such time as beautiful memories in our hearts.

 

A beautiful friendship I lost!

Friendship is a wonderful feeling, we don’t plan on being friends it just happens. It is said the friendship we make in college lasts for the lifetime. The college time is a time where we are carefree and have nothing to worry about. All worries about the future start at the last year though. The friendships made in college either stays strong for life or leave a mark in the heart.

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It was one such friendship that just happened immediately. We attached so instantly that we were inseparable after the first meeting. I just happened to walk over to my friend’s room and ran into Prabu. He was my friend’s new roommate. We started talking and very soon learned he was on the same course as me. There was an immediate connection.

The next morning when I was about to leave for class, I just walked over to his room to see whether I could get a company to walk the way to the class. He was in his room getting clothed and I waited till he was ready and we walked to the class. That’s how it all started, after that day, I never walked into the class without him on my side. We always sat beside each other in the class. He was very good in multitasking. He could listen to the lectures, take notes and carry out a conversation with me all at the same time. while I would very busy in the conversation with him during the lectures.

After the first week, he switched room to become my roommate in the hostel. We became so close to each other. We had breakfast, lunch, and dinner together every day. He was a quick learner and a very good sportsman. He was damn good at all the sports he played. He had a good heart too, he would be the first one to run to help a person in need. He was one of the most liked boys of hostel and college. He was so loving and caring. He got me at my best and the worst. He was able to understand my mind even before I uttered a word. He was the one I trusted with all my secrets. We used to talk a lot and he almost knows every story of my life at that point and I knew his.

We shared so many memories together. He always motivated me and believed in me more than I ever did. It’s because of his support and motivation I was able to take up some big responsibilities at the department level in college. He had big dreams for me, he always wanted me to crack some good software company interview and be placed in a good job. Evidently which I did accomplish and he was not around to see the moment.

It was our final semester at the degree program and we were supposed to do some industrial training as part of the curriculum. When the whole of our class chose to do the training in Chennai, I got an internship at my brother’s company in Bangalore. He and other friend got an internship in Bangalore. It was good to have him in the same city I was in. Though days changed and we spent most of the time apart, we met every evening. I used to take a bus which was a little longer route and met him for dinner every night. We used to share about our day and talk about everything we could think of. Those were happy days.

One fine day, he called me to tell that he was feeling so tired and weak, that he was taking a few days off and going to his parents. Those were the early days of mobile phones in India, where the cell reception was not available in every city. After that call, he left to his parents. We were not in constant touch as the mode of communication was a problem due to bad cell reception at his parents. We got to talk once in two weeks or so. By this time our internship was over and we were in our job hunting. He went to his parents and met with the doctor as he was feeling so tired day by day.

I was not aware of his health condition and it seems he was getting worse every day. We only used to talk on the phone and he always said he was just fine and enjoying his rest. I did not expect him to have a life-threatening illness at that point. Months passed and I was only aware of what he said about himself and his health. He never said anything so serious. Finally, one day learned he was admitted to a hospital in Chennai from his little brother.

I went to the hospital to see him with our friends and he was not the person I have seen in college. He had lost a lot of weight and had lost a lot of hair. From the hospital nurses, we learned that he had cancer and he was in his final stages. It was heartbreaking news when I learned it. My friends and I were heartbroken, some of the friends even started to wet their eyes. At that moment we decided to spend as much a the time we could with him. My friends and I went to visit his at the hospital daily, used to spend a couple of hours with him. Even when the drips and blood been injected into his body he was pretty active and listened to what I talked to him. Those twenty days were so hard to see him like that, a guy whom I have seen winning matches in the field was losing his life to cancer.

One afternoon I received a call from his little brother saying he passed away. I was stunned and shocked. Though my brain knows this day would come my heart was not able to accept it. Though I felt a relief, I thought it was good for him at least now he was free from all the pain his body was going through. At his funeral, most of our friends broke down to tears. I was mostly trying to control my tears. I thought I am not going to slip away all his memories through my tears. It’s all his memories I had left of him. To say I was angry with him for doing this to me. The thoughts I had that time was so weird when I think of it now.

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I did cry my eyes out on the day I received my joining order of my job at the software concern he dreamed for me. His loss hit me so bad, that I started losing hope in friendships. I avoided making new friends for about 2 years. I tried to hold close to the friends I had left. But time heals things. Time did not make me forget him, it just taught me to live without his friendship. He just became a part of my every password. Each time I type in a password I remember him and till day miss him badly. It made me understand there was no use to stay mad at him. It made me appreciate the time I had with him and treasure all the memories I have of him.

When a person passes away we are only left with the memories of them. Those memories become our treasure. I am glad I have a ton of memories with him and will always cherish those for life.

Feeling Lost …

In eyes of others, I have a good life. When seen overall I don’t have much to complain about. Had a happy childhood, blessed with loving parents and caring siblings. Did my masters and have a decent paying job. A good circle of friends and a good social life. Still, I feel lost sometimes, feel life is boring and need something entertaining.

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Life sometimes feels monotonous, though having a good time with friends often it feels like something is missing in life. It feels like life just goes on day by day without any purpose, it’s just eating, sleeping, working every day. Am I forgetting to live my life??

Different questions pop up in my mind, sometimes they make sense, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I feel like been stuck with a boring job, but some days I love the challenge it gives me. I do have days where I walk into the office with full energy to face the challenge and love my work. Some day I don’t even get the mood to get ready for office. Are they just mood swings??

Someday it feels so fresh to pick up the camera and shoot beautiful images, some day looking through the lens is boring. Am I just being lazy?? Someday it feels like having a feast of the meal to eat, someday too bored even to eat. Someday in full mood to socialize and someday just avoid seeing people.

Have no idea why it feels so or what can be done to make it right. I don’t feel these feelings are wrong, as of now I just feel they are just the phase of life, one cannot live life all the time. Everyone has their ups and downs and mood swings. Just uncertain of why these thoughts happen and not sure of what needs to be done on these.

Certainly, cannot quit the job and go in search of life, Sometimes the mind thinks too much when it has too much of free time. The mind wanders and finally settles to dig into memories and reason out the bad ones( definitely not a good ). The easy way would be keeping myself busy and divert the mind from thinking all such nonsense. Build up new hobbies to keep occupied or even more interestingly get some interesting dates.

Or maybe it’s a feeling of loneliness in life. Boost up the love life, loneliness is not a reason to find love in life though. Maybe spending more time outdoors can help. Just make up the mindset to enjoy life as it comes and be happy with what is around. Love life and live life.

 

 

The little things that matter the most

It’s always the little things that matter the most. The little things that we do for others define us, that tells the others what kind of person we are and how much we value the other. These little things are the ones that we do without putting much thought into it.

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Waking up to a good morning text from a loved one is one just example. The text would just read “Good Morning” but it means “you are one of the first things I think in the morning”. It just shows the one who sends the text remembers and care for us.

Sometimes it’s more than just what we do, it’s how we react. The genuine smile that lights up our face when we see our loved one or the cute smile that we see in our loved ones face when they spot us for the first time in the day.  That smile just lifts the mood of the day showing how they feel about seeing you.

The Hug that we share with the people we care, personally the hug when we see them is a warm welcome and sharing the happiness in seeing each other. The goodbye hug is little tight “I don’t want to let you go” kind of hug 😉 These are non-verbal ways of just telling “I care”

A random text in the middle of the day just to say hi. It may not be a long conversation but those couple of text lights up the day. It gives a feeling of I am not alone and I have someone who thinks of me between a busy day. Sure it gives a new energy for the day.

At the end of a tired day, that someone special handover us a cup of hot coffee that tastes just the way we want our coffee to taste is a true blessing.

Having someone who just plunges into action when they know we panicked or get into actions on something we are not very good at say like in a simple parking crisis. Having that one who is smart of things that we are not too smart at is just perfect.

Texting for no reason other than being in touch. Sometimes texting get monotonous over time but still not getting those routine texts from that one person seems like missing something in the day. we get those texts not just out of habit, it is just because we are in others thoughts.

Life is counted by the memories that we make. We don’t remember that expensive gifts that we received, but we do remember the relaxed evening at the coffee shop chatting with our loved ones. The time we spend with our loved ones is when we make memories. the most expensive gift one can give is their time and being fully present in that time away from all the gadgets distracting us.

The little things like these matter the most in anyone’s life. These little things touch our lives and make us feel loved, sometimes more special.

A shattered American dream

It is a dream of every Indian working in the IT industry to get to the USA and settle there. I did get a chance to experience the American dream in my life. America, the land of dreams welcomed me through an onsite opportunity through my employer.

I flew to America on an H1B visa. I still remember the night of my flight, my friends visited me to wish me luck, my whole family came to send me off. My mom had tears sending me off to the immigration at the Airport. I was thrilled about my future and bit worried about what I am leaving back in India.

I landed in the USA with a lot of dreams, my friends came to receive me at the airport. It was not much struggle settling in as I had my friends and colleagues helping me with it. Life was suddenly so easy, in spite of working long hours and overnight calls with offshore, I seemed to enjoy the new place.

With lots of travels around the country and exploring it, I was seeing more of the world. Life was good. The USA gave me new experiences from cooking my own food to owning my own car. When everything was going well for almost a two years, all of a sudden I was asked to leave to India by my IT firm for some revenue reasons.

Being on H1B and already have served two years in the USA, I had options of choosing to leave the company which brought me to the USA and look for the local employment opportunity. I started looking and luckily got an offer with a local company, switched jobs so that I could stay in the USA. Little did I know at that stage that things are going to be different.

Applied for my new Visa with the new firm, the thing in the USA is one can start working with a new firm applying for your visa even before the visa transfer is complete and the visa transfer takes more than 6 months in the normal process mode. So I start working with the new firm.

Things were smooth, there was less work in the new firm and more time to spare. Meanwhile my parents start looking for a bride for me, they find one and get me engaged (that’s how an arranged marriage works 😉 ).  Then there comes the news, USA rejects my visa transfer saying some documentation error to describe the job I applied for.

That was a big setback, till with all friends to backup, applied for my visa again with a new firm. Then after a six-month my visa was rejected again for some missing documentation. Both time I had hired an attorney to handle my case, not sure how some documentation error happens. The shock was big the second time and I know this time, my time in the land of opportunities has come to an end.

All my dreams shattered when I heard the visa rejection for the second time. I was forced to go back to India. Sold all that I owned there in the USA and booked my flight back to my own country. The 24 hours flight time was the most confused I have ever been in my life. I was engaged to a girl at that point and landing back home with no job in hand, not sure what will be my future.

Lucky for me, I had a good amount saved when I worked in the USA. So I was able to manage myself till I got a job. Eventually, I got a good job after 3 months search. Those three months were pretty hard moments of my life. Have to answer all the family members and relatives. Got my engagement canceled as I lost my USA privilege. Pretty hard time.

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But thinking back all those now, I realize those all moments have made me stronger. It made me more confident. Gave me a boost in life, now I know I can face whatever my life throws at me. It also made me realize what I missed in India and now this experience has made myself to appreciate my country even more.